Bette Midler – Concert Monologue Lyrics

Dive right in, baby, the water’s fine!” Is that what you say, girls?! Oh, being a woman is so interesting don’t you find it? That’s a easy one to catch! Oh! Isn’t it wonderful to be in love? When he… When he… “The day i was born.” You know why? And when he finally does, round about four o’clock in the morning with whiskey on his breath and the smell of another woman on his person…
Oh, honey I can smell another woman at five hundred paces! Do you say, “Oh, honey, let me open up my loving arms and my loving legs! I tell you why we do that, we do that to find looove. Oh, ain’t it wonderful? Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans… and you better look pretty god-damned good doing it too or else you gonna lose your good thang! Ain’t it just grand laying there late at night in bed waiting for your man to show up? You know, you know sometimes, sometimes people say to me, “Rose, when’s the first time you ever heard the blues?” And u know what i tell ’em? Ah! You know why? I do like to hear that high-pitched sound, you know I do. I’m putting on my little waitress cap and my fancy high heel shoes. We got some noisy females in the house tonight! I did, I thought I found myself one. I’m gonna go find me a real man, a good man, a true man, a man to love me for sure.”
You know I tell you something, I tell u something: I tohught… at one time i actually thought i found myself one. What are we ladies, what are we? ‘Coz i was born a woman. Or do you say, “Pack your bags! So what do you do when he comes home with the smell of another woman on him? Ain’t it just great to be in love? Oh! And why do we dot that, why do we do that? We are waitresses at the banquet of life! Oh, i love to be in love, don’t you love to be in love?