Abbott & Costello – Who’s On First Lyrics

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Wouldn’t be a fine team without a pitcher. Abbott: No, What’s on second. Costello: I’m askin’ you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper…
Abbott: Yes, now wait…
Costello: …he puts his name on it. Abbott: Naturally. Now you’ve got it. Abbott: No! Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: The guy playin’ first base. Costello: All I’m tryin’ to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base…
Abbott: What is on second base. Abbott: Oh, he’s centerfield. Costello: I don’t know…
Both: Third base. Costello: You got a catcher? Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second! Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second! Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Does he give you a receipt? Abbott: I’m the manager! Abbott: How do you…how do you like my lawn club for St. Costello: To you. Costello: H—How…Who? Abbott: That’s how it does. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get the ball! Costello: Oh…
Abbott: Told you all these players got…
Costello: All I’m tryin’ to figure out is what’s the guy’s name in leftfield. Abbott: I’m telling you. Abbott: Why not? Costello: So the catcher’s name? Naturally gets the ball and…Nat—
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Sure. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names. I don’t know! Now I ask you, who gets it? Costello: Hey, Abbott…
Abbott: What? Abbott: Sure. Don’t…don’t change the players. Abbott: He’s on third. Costello: The guy on first. Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second. Costello: Today. Who. Costello: The guy that you give the money to. Abbott: That’s his name. Abbott: Who’s playin’ first. Costello: Why? Costello: I don’t know. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: No it isn’t. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. The…
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: I don’t even know what I’m talkin’ about! Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: Who. Abbott: Who’s on first. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me! Abbott: Who. Abbott: Yes. Abbott: What’d you say? Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time? Abbott: Who’s on first. Abbott: Now wait a minute. Abbott: Today. Abbott: Today. Abbott: That’s it. Abbott: Why sure I’ll introduce you to the boys. Abbott: Certainly. I pick up the ball; I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. Abbott: No, Who signs his. Costello: Who? Abbott: What is the guy’s name on second base! Costello: Now I’ve got it…
Abbott: Hey! Abbott: That’s the man’s name! Costello: That’s whose name? Costello: Naturally? Now who’s got it? Who’s on first? Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Yeah, sure. Now who’s got it? Abbott: He’s…
Costello: Third base, I know. Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. What’s the guy’s name that signs the receipt on first base? Abbott: Well now wait a minute. Abbott: Yeah! Abbott: Yes. Costello: That’s whose name? Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: That’s how he signs it! Costello: The guy you give the money to. Abbott: Now calm down. Costello: Then who gets it? Costello: The guy on first base. Abbott: Who! Costello: That’s how who signs it? Costello: I throw it to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: Well who’s on first? Costello: Wait…What’s the guy’s name on first base? Abbott: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right. Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to? Both: Third base! Look…
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Costello: The guy you give the money to. Abbott: What’s the guy’s name on second base. Abbott: That’s it. Costello: So you the manager? Abbott: Well I can’t help that. Costello: Who signs his own receipt? Costello: Well, you know, I’d like to know some of the guys’ names on the team so when I meet ‘em on the street or in the ballpark I’ll be able to say, “Hello,” to those people. Abbott: That’s his name. Costello: That’s what I’m askin’ you! Abbott: Naturally. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don’t you? Abbott: Sure. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Abbott: Well, let’s see, on the team we have uh Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…
Costello: Are you the manager? Costello: You know the guys’ names? Abbott: Tomorrow. I’m askin’ you, who’s on first? Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm…Because! Abbott: Yes. Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today? Costello: The catcher’s name? Costello: Naturally. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That’s it. Abbott: He does! Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. I’m askin’ you! Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Abbott: Yeah. Costello: All right. Abbott: I say, Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third and then you…
Costello: You the manager? Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Who’s on first. Costello: You know the guys’ names? What’s the guy’s name on first base you give the money to? You don’t wanna tell me, today…tomorrow…do you? Costello: You got a outfield? Abbott: Yeah. Costello: Yeah. You…You just don’t give money to someone without having ‘em sign the receipt! Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. Costello: The left fielder’s name? Costello: He better get it! Abbott: That’s it. Abbott: Yes. Abbott: He’s on third base. Costello: What’s his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: How does he sign the receipt? Abbott: Yeah. Now we’re not talking about him. Abbott: Now, What’s on second. Costello: You ain’t tellin’ me nothin’. Abbott: What time what? Costello: Who’s playin’ second? Costello: I’m not changin’ nobody! Abbott: I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Costello: You got a pitcher on this team? Abbott: That’s it! Abbott: Naturally. Abbott: Who’s on first. Abbott: What’s on second. Abbott: Who. Abbott: Who! Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Who is not…
Costello: I’ll break your arm, you say who’s on first! Abbott: I’m telling you their names! Costello: I just thought I’d ask you. I want to know what’s the pitcher’s name? Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Well that’s…That’s all you have…
Costello: That’s all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. I asked you a simple question. Costello: Whose wife? Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game! Abbott: So Who gets it. Abbott: Who. Abbott: Now listen. Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching? Abbott: Well it should be. Abbott: Now listen…
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Costello: The guy playin’ first. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get it. Costello: I said, I don’t give a darn! Abbott: Why. Costello: To you. Costello: Go ahead and tell me. Now, I get behind the plate and…and Tomorrow’s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Lou? Abbott: Oh, that’s our shortstop! Lou. What signs his own receipt. What throws it to I Don’t Know. Abbott: Who is on first! Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it…
Costello: How…
Abbott: …and what puts his name on it…
Costello: How does the fella’s name on first base look to you when he signs his name? So the guy bunts the ball. Who signs it. Abbott: Who. Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: Yeah. Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: How does it look to you? Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn’t he have to sign the receipt? They give ‘em funny names though, St. Abbott: I’m telling you. Costello: What’s the guy’s name on first? Abbott: No, no, no, no…
Costello: He gets the ball. Costello: Same as you! Abbott: That’s how he signs it. So I throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Who! Costello: That’s what I’m saying! Costello: To you. Abbott: Could be. Costello: Then tell me the guys’ names. Abbott: Who. Abbott: Naturally. I’m not asking you, I am telling you. Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Costello: Naturally. Costello: That’s what I’m saying!?Abbott: You’re not saying it…
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally. Costello: I’m askin’ you. Costello: Well how does he sign his name? Abbott: Now you’ve got it! Abbott: Who. Abbott: Naturally. Abbott: Who. Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team! Abbott: Well I just thought I’d tell you. Abbott: All right. And Tomorrow’s pitching. I’m askin’ you, who’s on first? Abbott: No! What’s the guys’ name on first base? Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. Abbott: No you don’t! Costello: Naturally gets the ball and…and…
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who. Abbott: Who! Abbott: I sure do. Costello: Okay. You know now, I’m a good catcher. Costello: You! He’s on third and I don’t give a darn! After all, the man’s entitled to it…
Costello: Who is? Costello: Today. Costello: Then tell me the fella’s name playin’ first. Costello: The left fielder’s name? Costello: That’s who? Costello: You don’t want to tell me today? Costello: Look, you got a first baseman? Abbott: Now that’s how it looks. Abbott: Who!